It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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