even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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