I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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