i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
