wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize