Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
