fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
