last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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