I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
