I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
