does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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