the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
