i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
