is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize