And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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