North Korea, Best Korea!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
