He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
