What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
