I love black thongs
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
