Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
