these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
