he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i came on her dog
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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