What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
