Please, let me fuck your mom
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
