1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
