My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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