My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
