I wish life had little blips of pornography
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize