I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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