I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
