Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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