What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
