those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
