My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
