He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we still banned from the library?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Randomize
