If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
