Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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