yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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