come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
