Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i think i just lost a toe
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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