My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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