I just saw a hot homeless man
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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