alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
