saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
