Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize