a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
