What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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