im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize