So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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