Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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