do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
