me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
