I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
