best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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