so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
