Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
