the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
