remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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