I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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