Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
