either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I did not marry a roomba.
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