So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
