so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
