My hand turned me down
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Pooping to opera.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
