true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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