morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
